Honor is a Four Letter Word
by sleepyhead101
Summary: Set in WW2. Quinn and Rachel.
1. A Father's Praise is a Daughter's Burden

_**Author's Note: I would just like to say first off I do not in anyway support Nazis. This is simply a work of fiction. For all intents and purposes of the story we're going to pretend that women and men were equal in Germany during WW2 ok?**_

_**Berlin, Germany September 1, 1939**_

"_Whoever, however, thinks he can oppose this national command, whether directly of indirectly, shall fall. We have nothing to do with traitors. We are all faithful to our old principle. It is quite unimportant whether we ourselves live, but it is essential that our people shall live, that Germany shall live. The sacrifice that is demanded of us is not greater than the sacrifice that many generations have made. If we form a community closely bound together by vows, ready for anything, resolved never to surrender, then our will master every hardship and difficulty. And I would like to close with the declaration that I once made when I began the struggle for power in the Reich. I then said: "If our will is so strong that no hardship and suffering can subdue it, then our will and our German might shall prevail." -Adolf Hitler _

The radio is drowned out by my mother's shrill voice, "Oh Quinnie! You look so dashing!"

Her hands busily work at tailoring my coat as I smile and stand upright for all the proper adjustments, "Mom it doesn't matter what I look like, I'm just proud in helping our country". "Dear that is just nonsense even if one is saving the world or heading to the market, it does not hurt to look good while doing it''.

Before I could retort my father stepped in with a small, black, square box a small smile on his face, "Now Judy let the poor girl breathe, after all tonight is her last night of relaxation. Tomorrow she will be on her way to Poland to help the Führer's cause in redeeming our great motherland Germany." My father's face turns into a slight scowl as he inhales and begins again, "Of course our daughter wouldn't need if it weren't for those dirty, rotten Jews! If it weren't for them Germany would still be great! We would not be the laughing stock of the world, our people suffering in the streets!" His hands shake with whitening knuckles as his face turns to a crimson shade,

"Papa what is in the box?" His scowl is instantly gone and it makes me wonder if I ever saw it to begin with, "Just a small present my little princess before she leaves." I smile and take the box, "Papa I am not little anymore'' he waves his hand in the air, "Nonsense you will always be my little girl now open the box''. My hands shake as open the box and let out a slight gasp, "Daddy it's beautiful…but are you sure we can afford it in a time like this?" "Don't you worry about that, this is a symbol for great things to come because of people like you".

I smile as I clasp the necklace around my neck and stare at myself in the mirror, "It completes the outfit". My parents beam proudly behind me in the mirror as I stand up straight in my grey uniform, adjusting my red tie; I smile as the light reflects off the silver swastika that hangs around my neck, "We will be great again I promise".

My father nods, ''let's give Quinn some time alone Judy she has a big day tomorrow", they walk out and close the door behind them.

I wait until I can no longer hear their footsteps and reach under my pillow for the one thing that has brought me comfort since I was thirteen; I pull out the crinkled photo and smile.

My father would skin me alive if he had found out about my little secret. I have always adored my dad; I was always his "little girl". In order to stay in his good graces I have always molded myself into the things he has wanted me to be, never questioning, never straying, and I have never minded. After all, my father is the reason I was in Hitler's youth since the tender age of twelve; he is the reason I am in a uniform today.

My father has only wanted the best for me, and in order to have the best things in life, one must realize that there are sacrifices to be made, and these are the things he has taught me since the day I was born.

In order to receive his adoration I have had to sacrifice the things that may have made me happy. Tonight though all those words, all of his praise seems to weigh upon me and his adoration no longer seems worth the sacrifice.

I'm not sure if my father loves me for me or the fact that he loves me because I am willing to do whatever he says. I sigh and shake my head at such thoughts that seem to only appear when I look at this photo.

I look back at the figure in the photo and wonder if they would be disappointed if they saw me today, and I can't help but wonder if my father's praise is worth their disappointment.

I feel the stinging in my eyes as I think of the notion, and I shake my head to rid myself of such thoughts. I inhale and remind myself that it doesn't matter. I must do this for my family. I must do this for my country. I must do this because it is the right thing. I have learned that in this world in order for great things to come people will have to be stepped on, because if you're not careful you will be the one who is crushed. I nod my head swiftly and repeat this mantra over and over again, but it does nothing to ease the small ache in my chest as I stare at the lone figure in the photograph.

I sit on my bed and just stare at the photo in my lap. The creases don't mar the picture's beauty but rather enhance it, my fingers lightly tracing over the image again and again.

I whisper the one word that is my salvation from the ugly world that I live in, "Rachel".


	2. Jewish Girls Always Know

**Author's Note: So I don't own anything just the plot. If you like it review, trust me it helps IMENSELY I finally get it now. So you know critique or watever tell me what you like. Enjoy.**

_Oswiecim, Poland September 1, 1939_

_We have no quarrel with the German people, except that they allow themselves to be governed by a Nazi Government. As long as that Government exists and pursues the methods it has so persistently followed during the last two years, there will be no peace in Europe. We shall merely pass from one crisis to another, and see one country after another attacked by methods which have now become familiar to us in their sickening technique. - Neville Chamberlain_

"So what do you say Rachel? Would you like to go steady with me?"

I twirl my hair around my finger and sigh; it has been this way ever since I can remember. A boy will talk to me, which will then proceed with infatuation. From there I will then be forced to kindly but explicitly tell him that I have bigger dreams than being on some boy's arm. "Noah as lovely as it would be to be your girlfriend I will have to kindly decline. You see I plan on being a star and not just any star but a star on Broadway. On stage an actress has to have a plethora of talents in order to be successful and I have to hone in on those talents in order to succeed. I simply cannot do that if a boy is distracting me."

"So that is a no?" "Yes Noah that is a no, plus dad told me that you were quite the skirt chaser. The first person I have relations will be the one I marry. Just because some girl from the synagogue will tarnish her virtue with you does not mean I will follow suit".

He scowls before he waves his hand dismissively, "Whatever you say Rach." The playful banter is dismissed when he shuffles along his hands in his pockets," So have you heard the rumor about the Germans invading? I mean Jacob kid told me today, but I just don't think it's going to happen you know? I mean they can't do that right?"

I sigh and switch my books to my other arm, "Yes Noah I have heard the_ rumors_ as you so kindly put it and to be honest I think it's a possibility that it might happen, as much as I pride myself on a sunny opposition, I just have an inkling that Jewish stars and curfews are only the beginning".

We quietly walk home, both lost in thought and memories before the Nazi regime. "Well this is my stop. I'll see you again tomorrow?".

"Of course. Hey Rach?"

"Yes Noah".

"If your little I don't know hint or whatever turns out to be right promise me you'll take care of Sarah. I know I won't be able to and I just need to make sure she'll be safe''.

I stay silent for a moment thinking about what the world has come to, that Noah asking me such a question is not such a big surprise. Daddy used to say that hardships are a part of life, that god gives us obstacles so we can find our inner light and shine it to the best of our capabilities; sometimes I wonder if there will be an obstacle too big for me to handle, successfully snuffing my light out.

I look at Noah and can't help but feel my heart ache as I look at a boy who became a man just too soon. Noah just turned eighteen and instead of asking a girl for a date, he's asking for promises to ensure his sister's safety. I sigh at the injustice of it all, "Of course Noah. I would be honored to take care of Sarah".

He smiles and suddenly looks eighteen again, even for just a moment, he is no longer a young man hardened by circumstances beyond his control, "Thanks Rach. You're the best".

He walks off and suddenly I'm left alone with my thoughts, if I'm honest, which I always am it is my second best quality my voice being the first of course, I don't remember much about Berlin except golden locks and hazel eyes. I mumble the name into the chill air, "Quinn".

* * *

><p><em>Berlin, Germany April 26, 1933<em>

"Hey Jew girl!''

I turn around to the source, a girl my age with hazel eyes and golden hair stood there smirking in a green sundress, with my eyes wide and my stature upright I opened my mouth, "I'm sorry but what did you just call me?"

"I called you Jew girl. Or would you prefer big nose?"

I covered my nose in haste with my hand before I responded, "I would prefer my name, which is Rachel by the way, you insipid, maniacal, little girl". I can't help the smile that creeps upon my face as I see her jaw go rigid and her eyes narrow, I'm glad to see I hit a nerve, no one verbally insults me and gets away with it.

"Look I don't know who you are or what you want…actually what is your name again I'm not sure I quite caught it?"

Her profile goes rigid and through clenched teeth she replies, "Quinn".

"Ok _Quinn _as much as I love being harassed after I leave the synagogue; I have to get home my father worries if I stay out too late. I'm pretty sure your parents would worry too but obviously you lack any parental supervision, because what else could explain your lack of mannerisms and decorum". I walk away at a brisk pace, but before I know it she is right alongside me,

"Hey I have parents who care. I just came from my Hitler youth rally that my father enrolled me in and you see…" I'm not quite sure what else she is saying because my blood has run cold.

My daddy has told me all about Hitler, a man who is full of hate, a man who speaks nonsense, and a man who is also the reason my people are cowering in fear.

I look at Quinn and even though we have just met, and she seems to hate me already just because of some ignorant ideology that has brainwashed her; she looks like a girl opened to reason.

I take a breath and pray for the best, "Quinn?"

I make my tone extra timid, hoping to gain some sort of sympathy so she can listen, she studies me a bit her eyes still narrowed, "Yea?''

"If you had not seen me walking out of the synagogue would you have known me to be Jewish? If I was just some girl walking down the street who passed right by you would you feel the need to harass me?" I emphasize my last word and she has the decency to look a bit embarrassed her porcelain skin being colored with a rosy pink, "Well no I suppose not". "Then why must it change just because you see me walk out of my place of worship? Do you think I'm a bad person because I'm not in all honesty, I make good marks on my report card, I help my father around the house with the chores, and every Sunday I read to the younger children in my Hebrew class. If you must dislike me I would prefer you get to know me, and then, only then would it be fair for you to verbally abuse me. Granted it still isn't the right thing, but at least you would have a reason to, no?"

"We both stared at each other for a few moments before she sighed, "Well I guess you're right. So how about this, I walk you home and you can talk about yourself all you want ok? That way my disdain for you is justifiable…well at least by your standards".

I smile and put my hand out, "That sounds reasonable Quinn''.

Her face turns into a slight scowl before she hesitantly puts her hand out to shake mine. We walk to my house together while I chatter on and every so often I catch her smiling, but of course she catches herself too and suddenly it is gone.

As I arrive to my front door I smile, even though I walked with someone who is taught to hate someone like me, I cannot help but feel glad for an audience. I am meant to be a star and I need all the practice I can get when it comes to keeping people's undivided attention. "So Quinn what is the verdict? Do you still plan on verbally harassing outside the synagogue? Or have you realized how amazing I am and have succumbed to my charm".

She rolls her eyes, "I guess you're ok…for a Jew anyway".

I scoff at the remark but I realize that people like Quinn don't change immediately, no one does so I smile, "Ok then, well I am glad to hear that I suppose. I should be getting inside before you change your mind."

I turn around and right before I step in the door, "Hey Je…Rachel um you know if you want, I could walk you home from the temple or whatever you call it. You know to make sure I actually do think you're ok; I mean today could just be a fluke".

I smile and nod my head, "I would like that Quinn". She gives a slight nod and heads down the road as I turn to go inside.

* * *

><p>"Rachel", I snap my head towards my father's voice waking myself up from my daydream, "Yes Daddy".<p>

"Come inside it's cold out". I smile and shuffle inside setting my coat on the rack and my books on the table.

"Daddy would you like me to make you some tea?" He grumbles his approval, I sigh and start the kettle, ever since we left Germany he has lost the spark in his demeanor just like Noah.

Daddy said we would be safe in Poland that we wouldn't have to live in fear of the Führer's rule. I quietly think it really doesn't matter where we go, my father is still incased in fear's clutches. Most days he just goes to work and sits by the radio listening intently for news, or he goes around the neighborhood trying to see what others know.

I am saddened by the shell my father has become; I swallow the lump of sadness in my throat waiting for the kettle to whistle.

I hear my father gasp and I run into his study, "Daddy what is it? What's wrong?" He removes his glasses before he utters the five words that are the beginning of the end of my peaceful life in Poland,

"The Germans have invaded Poland".


	3. Aushwitz is my Destiny

**Oswiecim, Poland October 26, 1941**

**Auschwitz II**

_One basic principle must be the absolute rule for the SS man. We must be decent, loyal and comradely to members of our own blood and to nobody else. - Heinrich Himmler_

I adjust my cap and tighten my gun holster around my belt. When I first arrived in Poland no one wanted to give me a chance, they all thought I was just some girl running around playing soldier. I would have thought the same thing about me too, after all I had just turned eighteen what did I know about sacrifice? What did I know about loyalty to the Führer? I chuckle as I think back on the first day I arrived in Warsaw.

* * *

><p><strong>Warsaw, Poland October 2, 1939<strong>

I clutch my bag tightly as I shuffle around the train platform trying to find my bearings.

I took the crinkled photo out of my pocket to study the young man's face. My father had some contacts out in Poland, one of them being the Hudson's it would be with their son Finn, that I would serve Germany.

Finn and his parents would provide me with food and shelter, and in exchange I would pledge my allegiance to the SS. Finn had been a member since he was sixteen and had risen to the ranks of sergeant, his parents were very proud and I couldn't help but feel my distinct competitive nature within me rising.

I scanned the platform again looking for the oafish boy, when my eyes finally caught him. I studied his profile and could not help but think he looked like a simpleton, but his size and loyalty are what made him a good soldier I guessed.

He spotted me and he seemed to instantly brighten, "Quinn!"

Before I could mutter out a greeting he swept me up in a big bear hug that I'm sure would have crushed me before my military training.

I smiled and gently pulled away, "It's very nice to meet you Sergeant Hudson".

He shook his head, "Don't call me that I already get enough of that at home" he smiled bashfully.

He cleared his throat and took my bag, "Now since you're new here my mother has given me strict orders to look out for you. I plan to do so, but because of you inexperience tonight I'm going to take you to a rally. Show you what being part of the Schutzstaffel is all about ok? Once you have learned and truly devoted yourself to the Führer's cause then, and only then will you quickly rise through the ranks. Trust me Quinn and you will do just fine I promise."

I smiled politely as I looked nervously to my bag that he held, wondering what he would think if he had known that I befriended a Jew in my youth.

We quickly approached the modest cottage that he and his mother occupied. He set my bag down as I took in my surroundings. There was a small kitchen area with a stove, which was connected to a small living area that was occupied with a small wooden table and chairs. There was a small fire place in which a cot had been positioned right in front of, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

I suppose Ms. Hudson was fearful that I might try to rob her son of his virtue, I scoffed at the notion.

Finn smiled brightly, "Well this is where we will be staying. Now I know it's not much but trust me you'll love it here".

I smiled, "Thank you Finn…this really does mean a lot to me. I just want to make my father proud. I want to make our country proud again."

He smiled and nodded his head, "We all do Quinn".

He looked around before his voice dropped an octave, "I do appreciate your commitment to the cause I really do. Some Germans are willing to protect those damn dirty Jews, as if they deserve it. I laugh at those fools, you see we need more people like you and me Quinn we're loyal. Not unlike those Jew lovers." He spat on the floor, "It disgusts me to think of it. But you see Quinn even good Germans like yourself have flaws."

I gulped nervously and looked to my bag, "What are you talking about? I haven't done anything wrong yet."

He smiled, but this smile wasn't warm and inviting, it was cold and unfeeling, it was in that moment I realized Finn didn't belong anywhere but the Schutzstaffel," I must inform you I know of your…preferences." My eyes widened as I wondered how he knew," You're father told me. It is because of your loyalty to the great mother country that I am willing to overlook it. We have a fellow named Hummel who is just like you, but Quinn he is such a good soldier, such an upstanding German Citizen that we look the other way. All I ask is that you keep your affairs under wraps. Are we clear?" I nod my head yes, my tongue feeling like it was made of lead. I couldn't even try to deny it. He smiled and patted me on the back, "Good. Now we must hurry along the rally is about to begin and I do not want to be late".

The rally was in full swing by the time Finn and I arrived. As we weaved through the crowd people greeted Finn warmly and he kindly introduced time and time again. We listened to the speeches; I felt the atmosphere charge my entire body with some sort of exciting energy.

We all wanted what was best for Germany. We all wanted to be part of something great. We all had honor running through our veins.

This was no longer child's play; like it was when I would attend my Hitler youth rallies. No this was something entirely different, this was real. As the rally came to a close we all recited the same mantra I had learned since I was thirteen,

"Unsere Ehre Heisst Treue" (Our Honor is Loyalty).

I saw Finn smiling at me and I could not help but smile back and think, "This is exactly where I belong".

* * *

><p>I smile at the memory with fondness, after the rally me and Finn truly became close.<p>

Over the next few years we both worked hard to rise quickly through the flanks.

We both now oversee the new shipments that come into Auschwitz, leading them from the trains to the camp.

I am a proudly decorated officer of the Waffen –SS, still serving alongside Finn.

We help run Auschwitz's workers and plan on helping in the new main camp when it is built.

I walk into the cold air and tightly wrap my coat around me. "Hey Fabray!"

I smile, "Hey Hudson, you ready to see the new shipment?"

He smiles and rubs his hands together like a kid on Christmas morning, "You know it. I just can't wait".

We both walk chatting idly about things, "So I hear your twentieth birthday is next week, maybe we can find you a nice present in our pickings today?"

He smirks and I roll my eyes playfully pushing him, "Please I have enough **German** toys to keep me occupied for a nightly celebration next week".

I wrinkle my nose, "I don't need to go scraping around the bottom of the barrel like some other officers."

We both grimace, "Well you never know".

We come to a halt as we see the train, Finn immediately goes into officer mode, "Alright all Jews off the train now! Come on move your asses! I don't have all day. Now line up. Come on! Come on!"

I twirl my swastika around my neck as I make sure all is going well, when I catch a glimpse of brown hair, and suddenly I feel my heart in my throat.

Her brown eyes, I would recognize them anywhere. She looks to be bit scrawny, but still in good shape, they must have just picked her up.

I feel my mouth go dry as I see her line up, a small girl next to her that looks around ten, clutches Rachel's hand.

I frown wondering who she is, from what I can remember Rachel never had siblings.

Finn is right beside me again when I hear him yell, "Alright all you Jews from the left up to this girl here", he points to the small girl connected to Rachel, "Come with me to the left. The rest of you leave with officer Fabray."

My eyes widen as I realize that Rachel is part of Finn's group, "Finn! Wait!"

He turns around suddenly and growls out, "What Fabray?" I look into his eyes and can see the worry, even if he is an officer he is still my friend first.

I smirk and hide my worry hoping he doesn't sense it, "I think I found my present, you see the woman at the end of your line? I want her."

"What about the girl?"

"I'll take her too she looks like a good worker. You know we need those as of late. Come on. Who cares? It's only two Jews."

I try to keep the desperation out of my voice because this isn't just any Jew this is **Rachel**.

He thinks about it, before he nods his head swiftly and point to the end of his line, "You two at the end go into Officer Fabray's line. The rest of you follow me".

Rachel and the girl quickly head to the back of my line. I finally look into her eyes and see something I have never seen on Rachel's face when it comes to me, disgust.

I smirk and raise an eyebrow, placing my façade as officer on my face, as I march to the front, "Move forward".

Even as I envision her disgusted stare as I march I can't help but smile and think, "This is exactly where I belong".


	4. My New Life as the Living Dead

**Author's Note: Ok guys new chapter. I have to ask though, is this moving too fast? Or is the present mixed in with memories of the past steady enough? Yes I know women in Aushwit didn't happen until 1942 but I needed to change some things ok? Alright well enjoy.**

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><p><strong>Oswiecim, Poland October 26, 1941<strong>

**Auschwitz II**

_All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope. - Winston Churchill_

I hold Sarah's hand tightly around mine and we march into the unknown, all I do know is that Sarah and I are safe.

At least I hope we are, why else would Quinn save us…right? Though if I'm quite honest our new fate could be worse than death.

I feel Sarah gently tug on my hand and whisper, '' Rachel. Rachel. ''

I keep my eyes trained on Quinn wondering what is going through that head of hers before I whisper back, ''What is it Sarah?"

'' Do you think we're going to die?"

I swallow the lump in my throat because that has been the question that's been plaguing my mind since that fateful day in my father's study. I put on my best smile and tug her along, "Of course not silly, do you think that God would rob the world of our presence?"

Sarah quietly follows me behind before she whispers, "Well if we do die, I won't mind because then I can be with Noah and my mom. You know wherever they are." She smiles at her own joke and I can't help but join in, after all I haven't smiled like that in a year.

* * *

><p><strong>Oswiecim, Poland November 26, 1940<strong>

"This star is fucking hideous. I mean fine make me live in a shit hole, take away my radio, and set a curfew for me fine, but don't make me look ugly now that is just wrong." I can't help but giggle because leave it to Noah to try to find the humor in even the worst of situations.

"Well Noah if it makes you feel any better I think you just look absolutely dashing. You would be the perfect to be a leading man on stage."

I smile as we walk around the streets so we don't go crazy inside our homes.

"We should kill the Nazis. Hang them from their necks. Ignorant bastards."

He petulantly kicks a rock and I can't help but sigh, it breaks my heart that our freedoms, our lives are no longer ours to live but I refuse to believe that this is the end.

"Noah, this is just an obstacle. Watch one day you will be old, in a nice cottage telling your grandchildren how you survived the injustice of these _"ignorant bastards"_ as you deem them and that will be that. If we're unlucky and end up dying, well we shouldn't waste the little time we do have in hate and despair."

I take his hand gently in mine, running my fingers over his callouses and along the cracks.

I peer up into his brown eyes before I whisper to him, "You see you can't live your life in hate, whether your life only last the next seventy days or the next seventy years, because you're better than that. You just have to be."

Before I know it Noah is leaning down and suddenly his lips are on mine and my eyes fall shut.

I wrap my arms around his neck as his mouth moves against mine; our lips just keep moving over each other's again and again in a slow sensual dance.

I pull away to catch my breath and open my eyes.

Noah just stands there, eyes closed, softly breathing, he looks…peaceful. I gently trace his face, starting at the top of his eyebrow ridges, and slowly go down until my hand stop at his jaw, when he whispers, "Rachel".

"Yes Noah?"

"I love you".

I sigh before I rest my head on his chest, my head tucked under his chin, "I know Noah. I know."

"It's not enough is it?"

I close my eyes where I try to erase hazel eyes with brown, where a devious smirk is changed into a mischievous smile, and soft delicate hands morph into large calloused ones. I take in a shuddering breath because pretending has not been enough; it hasn't been enough since the moment I walked out the synagogue.

"No it's not enough."

"Come on Rach let me walk you home."

He takes his hand in mine and we quietly walk home hoping one day maybe it will be.

* * *

><p>I'm pulled out of my day dream when everyone in front of me stops marching.<p>

Quinn stands up, "Ok everyone you will go inside. You will grab the clothes and shoes that we hand you. You will not complain. You will not whine. You will not hold up the line. If you do any of those things you will have to deal with me. You will reside in the barracks we assign you. Promptly at 5:00 a.m. you will be woken up. From there role will be taken. You will not move unless ordered to. From there you will work. You will not rest. You will not dilly dally. You will come in for lunch. You will then continue to work again. You will report for evening roll call. You will then retire to your barracks where you will rest and receive rations of bread that is all. Now proceed inside your new home."

She smirked as she made that last statement, and before I knew it she was gone.

I held Sarah's hand tightly in mine as we were deloused. We stripped quickly and quietly when I noticed her clothes were too big. I took them from her and handed her mine instead, "You can at least dress comfortably.''

She smiles and takes them, "Thanks Rach.''

I nod my head, "Don't worry Sarah I promise I'll protect you, no matter what."

"I know." As we reached the end of the line we were each given a tattoo, when I looked at mine it read, ''92885".

We proceeded into the courtyard of the camp where roll call was taken.

Finally we were released into the barracks. Sarah and I huddled close together in a barrack, keeping each other warm. "Rachel".

"Yes Sarah?"

"Could you sing me to sleep?"

I smile and hold her tight, "I would be happy to". I sang her an old Yiddish song my papa used to sing me to sleep. When Sarah finally drifted off to sleep, I looked at my new tattoo and could not help think of Sarah's question. _"Rach are we going to die"._ I sighed and couldn't help but think that we've already died and Quinn was the Angel of Death.


	5. You seem to be The Exception

**Author's Note: Enjoy**

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><p><em>Oswiecim, Poland October 29, 1941<em>

_Auschwitz II_

"Now judgment has begun and it will reach its conclusion only when knowledge of the Jews has been erased from the earth." -Der Stürmer

"Work harder. Do you think that your German brother and sisters have it any easier fighting? This is the least you could do. You are the reason we have to fight in the first place! Now move! Keep working; push yourselves until you're dead on your feet. Even if you do die you will keep working. Your corpses will serve to be great examples".

I yell the same insults I do every day as I look from one worker to the next, the one worker whose eye I seem to be avoiding is Rachel's.

Ever since she transferred into Auschwitz I've been torn between working her to death or hugging her to death. It seems I'm choosing the former.

I clench my teeth and keeping walking, I'm madder at myself than her. Here I am a decorated officer, and I'm making a rookie mistake by saving some damn Jew.

I mean how did I become a fucking Jew lover? I could care less about shooting them all in the head the moment each one of those, dirty, rotten, stinking, money grubbing rats steps off, but when I thought about Rachel going with Finn…I'm not sure.

My loyalty is still with Germany and helping the cause I mean I will kill every Jew with my bare hands because they deserve it, but Rachel is different. She always has been.

* * *

><p>Berlin, Germany August 2, 1933<p>

"So I told Jacob…''

I smile as I listen to Rachel chatter. I mean sometimes she talks too much but she seems to like over explaining things so I let her.

I think she is kind of growing on me.

I mean these past couple of months on our walks I've grown to like her. Sometimes I even think she is better person than me, she never picks on anyone or has an ill thing to say, she is always helping her father out.

I mean also she is so beautiful, granted her nose is kind of big, but her eyes and her voice God I could spend hours just staring at her.

Ever since I was about ten my father has told me to hate the Jews because they are the reason for us being in this position that we are in today, but since I've met Rachel I'm starting to think differently.

To be honest maybe only a couple of times do I actually just think of her being some Jewish girl but more often than not she's just Rachel.

I mean if Rachel is a good Jew, maybe there are others just like her and maybe there is no reason for me to be going to my Hitler youth rallies; for me to be spending all time in hatred, maybe I could spend my time being learning about Rachel instead.

"Quinn? Quiiiiiiiiiiin?"

I smile and look over at her, she always hates when I daydream "Yes my Jude."

She pouts and hits my shoulder, "I dislike when you call me that, I have a name. You know this and yet you continue to do it. What you're doing is the definition of insanity Quinn, you know that, you do the same thing over and over again hoping for a new result and that is just…"

I smile and can't help but think she is the most beautiful thing ever, and before I know it I press my lips against hers.

After a couple of seconds I pull away and whisper, "Ok Rachel".

She is still quiet and looks up at me, "Quinn? Why did you do that? I mean I me and and you're you."

I take a deep breath and sigh pulling away, "I know. I know, but lately I've been thinking that you're different from what I imagined you know? I mean if you're different, maybe other Jews are different you know? And well I could try to find that out…you know if you would help me."

We both stand on the sidewalk; Rachel just keeps moving her jaw up and down not saying anything. I'm scared I broke her. ''Rachel. Rachel. Please say something."

I hear my voice crack and I absolutely hate it. I can't believe I just said that, I'm an idiot; I should just run back to my rallies and come clean about my mistakes. That's it, that's what I'm going to do, "Quinn? Quinn!"

''Um uh yea Rachel?"

"Did you mean that? All of those things? Did you mean it?"

I swallow the lump that's in my throat before I nod my head up and down, "Yes I did".

Before I know it I suddenly have a mass of brown hair and tan limbs in my arms hugging me to death. "Oh Quinn you don't know how happy that makes me!" She pulls away and shoves a photo in my hand. "My daddy bought these a few months ago, and to be honest I was scared to give it to you, because lord only knows what might happen if I gave it to you. But now I know I can trust you and well here you go".

She smiles and when I look down in my hand Rachel is staring up at me from the picture and I can't help the smile that forms on my lips. My fingers trace over the photo. "I'll keep it safe I promise".

I look up to see her smiling and I can't help smile back, "Good I'll see you tomorrow at the usual spot?"

"Of course Rachel".

She gently pecks my lips, "Oh and I like you too Quinn".

Before I can say anything she smiles and skips home. I walk home feeling like I am on cloud nine when I open the door, "Mom? Papa? I'm home." I

slip my shoes off and head into our living area when I see my dad hunched over in his reading chair.

I look at our coffee table and see the empty bottle of whiskey that stands proudly, mocking me. "Papa, what's wrong?"

"Quinn? Is that you?"

"Yes papa it is."

"Oh Quinn something terrible happened today I…I…"

"Papa what's wrong what is it?"

"You're sister Anne was walking home today…when this man this Jew", his knuckles turn white gripping the arm rest of the seat; "he stabbed Anne and took her money. She didn't make it Quinnie. Those god damn money grubbing Jews".

My heart feels like it had been dropped in my stomach and before I can close my mouth I ask, "Papa, are you sure, are you sure the man was Jewish?" Before I can blink my father is up and pinning me to the wall by my shoulders,

"Am I sure? Am I sure? Don't you ever ask me that again you hear? I know it was a Jew, because no other type of person, no other type of scum would kill an innocent seventeen year old on her way home. If I ever catch you with a Jew and you have intent other than killing them or beating them senseless; I will kill that Jew in front of you and then I will kill you. Do I make myself clear?"

I try to stop the pain that is radiating from my shoulders before I gasp out, "Yes papa".

He lets me drop like a rag doll and goes back to sitting on the chair, "Go up to your room and let me mourn in peace".

I dutifully walk up the stairs and lay down whispering into the darkness, "I won't let him hurt you Rachel".

* * *

><p>I see Rachel and the small girl smiling as they work and something inside me snaps.<p>

I march over to her section and bark out, ''What are you two Jews smiling about? There is nothing to smile about as your German soldiers die out on the battlefield. Paying for your sins with their blood".

Rachel gazes at me through a disgusted gaze, "Hello Officer Fabray. Lovely day isn't it? I was just telling my friend Sarah about how men and her brother Noah used to frolic on days like these."

Something inside me burns with hot rage as she mentions this boy, and I can't help but feel a sense of passiveness come over me.

I grab her wrist and yank her up, "Yea? Well this is your life now, and there will be no frolicking so get back to work before I put a bullet in your friend's head. You understand me?"

She looks right in my eyes and I can't help but feel my anger wash away. I also can't help but feel uncomfortable under her gaze; it feels as if she is stripping me layer by layer.

"You're too good of a person to kill a child Quinn". She whispers her statement so quietly I'm not even sure she spoke.

"Oh yea how do you know? I've killed thousands of Jews just like you. What's one more?"

She gives me a sad smile, "You're right you have, and maybe one day you will kill Sarah." I see her gaze harden, "But you will have to kill me first before you even think about laying a hand on her".

She pulls out of my grip, "Come on Sarah we need to keep on working".

They walk away and I just let them. I'm not quite sure why but I can't help but feel a sense of shame wash over me.

I take a deep breath before I yell out, "Come on you dirty Jews. It's lunch time".

I don't even look back as I walk back to my office, I can't stand to see her face again. I sit in my chair and cover my eyes wondering if it is still possible for me to feel the same about Rachel even after all this time. I still believe in the cause and restoring Germany, I still feel this is the right way to handle these things. I really do, but I can't help but feel that Rachel is different. Rachel has always been the exception when it comes to me, and it seems that not even time, training, or even a camp can change that. I smile sadly at the thought of her being the exception, and I should have known she still was the moment I told Finn to move her to my line.

I rest my head on my desk and the only thought I have left running in my head is, "I'm so fucked".


	6. Dreams are a Desiered Reality

**Author's Note**: **Here you go.**

* * *

><p><strong>Oswiecim, Poland November 2, 1941<strong>

**Auschwitz II**

_"This is a sad day for all of us, and to none is it sadder than to me. Everything that I have worked for, everything that I have believed in during my public life, has crashed into ruins. There is only one thing left for me to do: That is, to devote what strength and powers I have to forwarding the victory of the cause for which we have to sacrifice so much... I trust I may live to see the day when Hitlerism has been destroyed and a liberated Europe has been re-established."_-Neville Chamberlain

I sigh wearily as I rest my tired body into the barrack as I think back to the week I have spent in Auschwitz.

I smile as I think of the Nazi soldier Artie, he gives extra rations of bread to the kids who are weak.

There is another soldier, Mike I think his name is, he gives the prisoners proper bandages and medical attention.

Then there is Brittany, she seems like such a sweet girl which makes it hard for me to wrap my mind around her presence being in a place like this, she always gives the children sweets before they are sent to the barracks.

It is because of people like them that I still believe in the kindness of man's heart.

I also think it gives Sarah hope I can see just like Noah, may his soul rest in peace, that she is scared to dream.

Dream for a better tomorrow, dream for a better life but I think when she sees these guards act human she lets herself dream for another day, even if it is just for a moment.

I smile every time I see a flicker of light in her eyes, and I know daddy knew what he was talking about when he said obstacles proved how bright our inner lights can shine.

Every time I hear her laughter, or catch a glimpse of a smile I know I have to keep pushing us for another day I have to keep her safe so that she can have a life that is filled with nothing but beauty when we leave this place.

I smile as picture us walking out through those gates and I know it's a possibility, it just has to be.

I'm snapped out of my optimism pep talk when I hear Sarah groan, "Rach?"

"Yes?"

"Could you tone down the pep? I can hear your thoughts. I know we need it to survive and all but I need my beauty sleep, plus there isn't much to smile about these days."

"I know but a girl has gotta try right? I mean that is how I woke up everyday with a smile on my face and you want to know why? I smiled just because I could. You should try it sometimes, as attractive as scowling is, it wouldn't kill you to smile."

"In this place it just might, I mean Officer Fabray's glare could stop a man's heart."

I scoff and hold Sarah tight, "Don't you worry about Officer Fabray, just stay out of Hudson's sight you hear?"

I shudder as I think of the oaf. He looks dim witted alright, but underneath that dull exterior I just sense a sadistic monster.

I'm not sure why but something tells me he just takes too much pleasure in what he does.

"Yea, yea I know. Hey you want to play how Yiddish are you?"

I smile at the mention of the game. Noah had made up a game because growing up we heard so many Yiddish phrases we would always try to outdo one another, Sarah and I always play when we need a smile.

I think sometimes we do it just to keep traditions alive. "Ok how about you go first."

"Alright Fershtinkiner (stinker)".

"You're so kind. I have thought of a perfect one for you when you eat Fress (to eat like an animal)''.

I can hear huff and subtly pull away, "Hey! Now that was rude, so for that I am telling you to Gay Avek (get out of here)".

I smile and hold her close, "I know you don't mean that you Klutz (uncoordinated person)".

She yawns and mumbles sleepily, "Gay Shlafen (go to sleep)".

I smile and softly play with her hair, "Goodnight my Mishpocha".

* * *

><p>I suddenly feel someone jerking my arm, waking me up suddenly when I hear a harsh whisper, "Don't you dare make a noise you dirty Jew or I will not hesitate to blow your brains out you hear?"<p>

I nod mutely as I feel myself dragged out of the barracks.

No one wakes, or at least they pretend not to.

When we reach outside I finally try to see the face of my captor, when I look up to realize it is Hudson.

I feel the fear prickle my spine as he takes me into a building leading me up several flights of stairs.

I keep calm, because I know I need to make it back to Sarah.

When we finally reach a door I take in a gulp of breath, trying to sedate my nerves for the next course of action.

Hudson knocks waiting to be greeted and I can't help let a small gasp of shock be let out when I see Quinn Fabray standing in the door's frame.

Suddenly I am tossed into Quinn's torso when I hear Hudson say, "Happy Birthday Quinn. I brought you a present".

"What the fuck Hudson, is this some sort of idea of a joke?"

"No, but you wanted her in your line, so I figured you might of wanted her for something. But hey if you don't want her I will be more than happy to take her off your hands".

My skin crawls at his implications. I instantly feel Quinn's arms around me as if she is trying to shield me from his leering gaze. "No that's fine it was just unexpected is all, plus you know I don't share".

"Fine be a prude. Happy Birthday''.

I feel Quinn pull me close and I can't help but breathe in her scent, a soft smile stretches on my face as I realize that she still smells the same even after seven years. "Thanks", I feel Quinn pull me inside and close her door.

"Sorry about that, I guess I'll keep you here for a while so you can be safe. Not that I care about your safety or anything I just am too lazy to walk you back to the barracks is all. You can sit on my bed if you want."

She pulls away instantly and leaves me to study my surroundings.

She has a mirror set up in a corner, a dresser, a small desk and a small bed on the right side wall.

No decorations.

No photos.

Nothing.

I can't help but think that it is all a bit impersonal and does not seem like Quinn at all.

I sigh and decide to reside on the bed and lay down. I study Quinn from my view point and see her sitting at the desk fidgeting with her hands.

She refuses to look up at me.

I sigh, "So are you going to tell me what I am doing here? Because as fun as you Nazi guards are, I would really like to sleep. As you know a proper night's sleep is important not to only one's development but to one's mental health. In all fairness I need to use every resource I have, mainly my mind and body to survive a place like this".

I see the tiniest of smiles quirk up before she replaces it with a scowl. "Fi…I mean Hudson may have gotten the impression that I saved you, in order to use you".

I cannot help but quirk an eyebrow and look at her, "What ever should you possibly use me for? It could not be for a conversation since you can barely look at me let alone speak to me."

"I made him think I was going to sleep with you",

I cannot help the gasp and blush that appear when she makes the statement, "I'm not, I wouldn't lower myself to your standards. I just needed to justify me saving you and that girl is all.''

"Sarah."

"What?''

"The girl, as you so kindly put it, her name is Sarah."

"Fine whatever, it doesn't matter what her name is, she is just a Jew. I had to give him a reason otherwise I would have never seen you again. I couldn't have that".

I can't help but grit my teeth at her abasing tone but sit up and ask, "Why could you not handle me disappearing?".

She scoffs and rubs the toe of her shoe across the wooden floor. "I'm not sure. Morbid obsession?"

"Oh."

She sighs and looks up, "It doesn't mean anything ok? It was a lapse of judgment on my part and won't happen again."

"Ok if you say so, I mean if I saved someone from impending doom I would think it means something. I mean but that's just me and I hear that I am a bit odd from time to time."

I see her smile a little, "Well you are odd. Are all you Jews this talkative?"

"Nope just me."

She rolls her eyes as I grin cheekily, "Of course. You need to sleep. You're giving me a headache and you have an early morning tomorrow".

I roll my eyes petulantly and lay down, "Fine. Goodnight Officer Fabray."

She waves her hand dismissively and turns her back to me, "Goodnight Jew".

I sigh and lay down.

Even though Quinn barely acknowledges my presence, and has the blood of innocent people on her hands I cannot but help but be happy to be around her again.

I frown at our predicament, and my feelings.

I truly am odd.

I close my eyes and try to dream us up a different reality.


	7. Tonight

**Author's Note: So it's been a year and to be honest I only stopped writing because my style feels sub par but as Paul says in Breakfast at Tiffany's something about writing everyday so you get rid of all the bad stuff so there is nothing left but good at least something like that. Anywho the stars song tonight inspired me so you should listen to it at some point.**

**Oswiecim, Poland November 2, 1941**

**Auschwitz II**

_"When I came to power, I did not want the concentration camps to become old age pensioners homes, but instruments of terror." - Adolf Hitler_

I drum my fingers onto my dress pants; it feels like my heart could burst out from my chest at any moment. I blow some of my blonde locks out of my face when I hear a soft sigh coming from my right. I glance over to be met with tan limbs and chocolate locks sprayed across my sheets. She is the definition of an angel on Earth. If I'm honest with myself I can't be sure if Rachel is an angel though or just some form of sin wrapped up in a pretty package meant to tempt me. I can't want her. I can't crave her. I can't betray my beliefs and country for something this repulsive. I just can't. I take a breath, running my hands through messy locks trying to remember how I yielded temptation the first time.

* * *

><p><strong>Berlin, Germany August 9, 1933<strong>

I watch her walk out of the Synagogue at a brisk pace; she has her head held high and keeps her books close to her chest. I can't help the smile that crosses my face as I watch the girl who seems so strong but I know can break so easily with a careless action. I've been watching her for the past week not able to stomach the thought of me being so close to a Jew. I don't know how to distinguish them separately; I don't know how to rip away the Jew from Rachel. I've tried over and over again and yet I know they exist as one. It's why I've been unable to walk her home, hear her laugh; hear her sing and it breaks my heart with each passing second. My father's voice rings suddenly through my ears as I watch her walk away, "I will kill that Jew and then I will kill you."

I wrap my coat tightly around me and start to catch up to Rachel. Before Rachel can place her hand on the knob to her home, my hand encircles her wrist and I face her to me. My breath catches as I look into her eyes and I can't believe I could have forgotten how beautiful her eyes truly were.

"Rachel", I whisper her name into the winter air as she tackles me and wraps her arms around my shoulders. I breathe in her scent and pull her close to me never wanting to walk away again. After a few moments trying to remember one another I break us apart before someone catches us and open her door. I lead her inside as she stands mute and curious. She seems to snap out of her daze and shuts the door behind us.

"Would you like some tea?" she heads into her kitchen not waiting for my response as I sit down at the small table. I wait for her looking around her modest home, pictures of Rachel litter all across the wall and I can't help the smile that worms its way onto my face. There is a window to on the right side of the room with a radio and a chair that has seen better days. Before I can investigate further Rachel brings in two cups of tea and sets them between us. I watch her and I'm not sure how it happened but she seems to have gotten even more beautiful with each passing day. The thought warms and breaks my heart, filling my stomach with lead.

She clears her throat and looks over at me," You've been gone for a while".

I can feel the blush rise on my cheeks and nod, "I have…I've had some things that needed to be taken care of and it's not like someone of your stature would understand".

I see her jaw go rigid and her eyes melt into dark coals," Quinn if you're here just to reduce me to nothing then maybe you should leave. I don't need this and I don't need you. I may have missed you but that doesn't give you the right to pummel me verbally."

I sigh and trace the rim of my mug knowing it to be the truth and try to clear my head of the fog. I lick my lips," I know I came over to tell you that…this arrangement between us is over."

I hear her gasp and watch as her jaw works over times trying to figure out how to change my mind. She won't find anything to persuade me, I know now that what goes on between us is wrong. I've known that since I was thirteen and the truth was hammered into me once again as they laid Frannie into the ground.

"Quinn you…you can't mean that. You just can't."

I smirk up at her and look her dead in the eyes," I can and I have. You mean nothing to me. You have always meant nothing to me. You're people are dirty and wrong, you tried to trick me into thinking you were different but you're just like the rest. My only goal now is to rid all of the people like you from this Earth."

I feel the bile within me rising as each passing second ticks by but I can't seem to stop the words leaving my lips. "I don't tell you much about my life Rachel because you will never be a part of it. You're a separate piece from my world, you're an island. If I brought you around the people I cared about, the people who actually do mean something they would never forgive me. I would be beneath them just like you're beneath me." I didn't even realize I had gotten out of my chair and towered over Rachel.

I release each word from my depths, I release all the secrets, all the pain, and shame within me. Before I can continue Rachel stands up and locks her gaze with mine.

"You want to know something Quinn? You want to know who the cowards really are. It's you Quinn, it's you and all the people like you! It is because of Germans like you that our country is struggling! You believe in this idea that is shameful and disgusting and it makes me sick to my stomach. I'm watching my every move; I'm scared every time my father goes out looking for something he won't find. Do you know what he is looking for Quinn? Its hope Quinn and he won't find it out there because cowards like you won't let it happen. My father still fails to understand that everything we need is inside of us."

Her voice is nothing but a whisper at this point and I stand frozen to my spot. We stand in silence before I force my arms to reach out to her and pull her close. She buries her face into my shirt as I lean down breathing in the scent of her shampoo. I place my fingers under her chin and establish eye contact with her. I lick my lips and slowly press mine against hers. Her hands immediately wrap themselves into my hair and I force myself closer to her. I out a quiet sigh as I gently bite down her bottom lip and soothe over the mark with the tip of my tongue. Our lips move over each other over and over again. Small nips coupled with soft sighs. I gently suck on her bottom lip before I pull away and let go.

I rest my forehead against hers trying to soothe aches in my chest. "Rachel", her name comes out like a pained prayer.

I look into her eyes watching them fill with tears and hope. I hold in my anguish because hope is something I can't let her have or give. I brush a lock of her hair behind her ear and press a soft kiss to her head. "Goodbye my Je…Rachel".

* * *

><p>I try to focus my vision and stand up shedding my uniform. I crawl into bed with Rachel making sure not to touch her. As my eyes start to close I let myself enjoy the closeness. Just this once. Just tonight.<p> 


End file.
